Distressed

under high pressure in these 2 weeks. Keep coming back to office at 8:30am and then off later than 6:30pm. Super busy. Totally no time to deal with personal things. Then feel tired after back home and do nothing. then feeling worried that not yet prepared the trip and study camera info. Bad cycle and keeps annoying and even can't sleep well......

Ricoh GR

I never know that I could be so studious when buying a thing. I never put so much effort in exploring an item that I want to buy. After considering for a month,  reading blog online and review, going to shops to talk to different sales and compare prices, I change my choices from Song A3000, to Olympics EPL7, to  Canon G7X vs Song RX100M3, then Ricoh GR.

 At the final stage, I struggle between Canon G7X and Ricoh GR. G7X is newly issued and is now in price $3580. 1’’ sensor, gd quality image, can selfie and wiifi transmission, very attractive. But I just hopelessly being attracted by the photos of GR.

It is the smallest pocket size camera in APSC sensor. The photos are terrific and the image quality is so good that it can touch my heart. But it is an advanced camera and more suitable to one who is experienced in photography. Also, the camera was promoted in market in 2013 already so it is relatively old. The price is over$4600 and need to buy the electricity charge stand and protection sticker yourself.G7X is at least HK$1000 cheaper than GR. I worry that I waste the good camera as it is too advanced and I may not know how to make good use of it. Also, some people said it had bad focus in dim night…….

At last, I bought GR on 22 May 2015 at Mong Kok. I just can’t forget the quality of image of it since I saw it at Katrina’s home at Shanghai when the guy Google took it out. I like the belief of Ricoh, the low-key appearance, the small and convenience, and most importantly, the good quality of image.

In the process of preparing interview in IO and buying camera, I finally know why my life is so mediocre. These 2 cases are the only thing that I try so hard to prepare and the thing that I really want it. Before that, I never know that one should put so much effort in a thing.Even when I choose the university, or stream to study, I never investigate so deep and put so much time in it. I feel shamed of that.

The most expensive toy I bought,,,,,,

老爆伴郎團(Last Vegas)

導演 :

莊泰圖托

演員 :

羅拔迪尼路, 摩根費曼, 米高德格拉斯, 奇雲格連

片長 :

--

級別 :

--

語言 :

英語 (中文字幕)

上映 :

9.1.2014 (公映)

故事簡介

比利（米高德格拉斯 飾）來電宣布做老襯，準備叫三位兒時老死：柏迪（羅拔迪尼路 飾）、阿池（摩根費曼 飾）、森仔（奇雲格連 飾）到賭城開寡佬派對，聚舊之餘，一起豪玩四晚﹗雖然四位老死都年過六十，又要戒油戒鹽9點就寢，又要同多年沒見的頂心杉冰釋前嫌…不過人一世物一世，玩得盡興至實際；四位大老爺有心有力，難得出征，當然要排除萬難，同班後生一齊喜愛夜蒲，玩轉拉斯維加斯，成就不老醉爆傳奇﹗

The HK translation for the script is a little bit strange and I am not used to read it.. Not a superb movie but still good to watch with fds.

Today they come to my renovated home. I cooked Cabonara, chicken wings and vegetables for them. Actually I spared a whole day to prepare. Need to clean house, wash clothes, buy the food and prepare, very tired. But happy to have fds to come to your place and spend the time together. I enyou having my own living spaces and would like to do more.

These 2 weeks dad, mom and brother are in Taiwan. I enjoy myself being at home so much.I can think what to cook for dinner and schedule the use of time. I can watch movie during dinner and sleep earlier or later. Sometimes I hope that I can have longer holiday for myself.

烦躁的自己，不变的生活

連續很多個星期做了宅女。看到一個Blog叫” 宅女也很忙” ，深有同感。忙著看網上小說，忙著看戲看電視劇，養生運動。其實很討厭自己這樣。雖然舒服，卻對自己的人生一點幫助也沒有，徒增空白。像上星期五一勞動節連六日共3天假，我都窩在家，懶得約人、打扮、約會。會什麽我會這樣？想起來，我自中學已是這樣，好像一點改變都沒有。看了很久電話看小說，看得眼睛腫痛，心情也不好。有時想，沒有電話的年代真好，人的生活傾向正常健康，沒有上癮或依賴。

IO出了信，在waiting list. 有點高興，至少不是直接收offer letter. 考IO那個月，我花了很多時間去預備。第一次知道，原來當你真的很想要，你可以變得很努力。如果我畢業的時候，也那樣有目標和幹勁就好了。今年減了預算，請的人數也少了，所以是時候計畫工作假期，偏偏我又懶得預備，有時想不如到時直接過去什麽都不要想。

本來有位同事8月會過去，我壓根兒沒有想過有有夥伴一起去澳洲，因為我想這一年應該嘗試脫離自己的安全網。但知道她也去，在同一個城市，我覺得安心不小，心裡踏實許多。昨天突然她說計畫有變，可能只去一個月，我心覺空空的，又不安起來。

決定去1年的工作假期，隨著年紀越大，壓力越大。家人的不支持和擔心、自己對自己生活料理能力不放心、世人的眼光(覺得你一把年紀還像廿齡的人般去玩) 、害怕找不到工作、害怕辛苦、擔心自己的健康、憂慮回來後找不到比現在更好的工作、怕自己沒有好好利用道一年荒廢了時間……

不過想改變的心情還在。好想改變一下自己的生活。我知道繼續下去，我的生活模式不會改變，持續在厭倦自己生活方式的模式中。我渴望有一些事情發生、讓我有些盼望，讓我感到一絲希望。我發覺自己很需要有些事情去期待，這樣我才有動力，才能吸引我走下去。我好希望自己能不斷學習新的事物，有新的體驗，能不停進步。否則，我我有不進則退，腐爛下去的感覺。

其實我覺得自己蠻適合旅行，不知為何每次在旅行中，我覺得自己通常會走向積極充實外向開放的一面，呈現出更精力充沛和美好的自己，和窩在家中的我不太一樣。有時不太喜歡自己的兩極化。懶得見人，一定要準備好了才可以見人，否則寧願頹廢在家。

有時想，澳洲是否好的選擇。實在太多人去，太多華人在那邊。紐西蘭、英國、加拿大會否較好? 但澳洲人工較高、工種較多，賺夠了有好多地方可以去，也可去紐西蘭，所以最後，我還是向錢和實際屈服。

Review my goal in March 2015

去年7月的清邁之旅開了竅後，有好幾個月處於不停反思的狀態。不滿自己的生活、害怕對事物的痲痺。痛苦，但人更清明了。思潮也很久沒有試過那樣的活躍和湧現。

可是，過了4、5個月後，那顆躍動的心又停頓了，生活又回到沉寂的軌跡。

於是，我在想這幾個月來做過些什麼，有沒有在這半年，6月尾前，有趁有限的時間，達成自己的一些願望呢? 於是列了一個表，以振奮自己的心:

1.  學太極 (還在學習中，沒有練習也不不記得，但起碼知道是什麼一回事)

2. 自由行去天津和無錫，還認識了新伙伴

3. 上了2個courses, Social English & Presentation through acting games, 雖然沒有實質學了什麼，但算是進修了吧

4.  Read English book: The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

5. 紅樓夢進行中

6. 義工，探訪了露宿者，4月會有弱能人土一起活動，對社會上的弱勢人士加深了認識

7. 希望5月能一家人自由行去歐洲，那便可了結了這很久以來的心願

8. 家裡完成裝了裝修

9. 重整了銀行戶口

10. 學了自由式

11.  Dating with  guy

Prelude in E minor - Chopin

This is a TED talk I listened to yesterday and really made my day. I was moved by the speaker. I fall in love with the piece he played: Prelude in E Minor (Chopin). May try to play it during weekend~

http://www.ted.com/talks/benjamin_zander_on_music_and_passion?language=en

Have you ever wondered what kind of music you want to play in your funeral?

After having watched this TED talk, I tried to think about the last word I said to some people. Then I remembered that when I said goodbye to a friend when I was 21, I don't feel very sad as I feel like we will meet again very soon. I was very young at that time, and I was confident that I could do everything. 8 years after and I meeting the friend again, my tear came out when we said goodbye. I cried for the cruelty of time. I suddenly realized that I am really getting old. Because I have the strong feeling that, we would probably difficult to meet again. Even we meet, the status and mood of us will be very different. 

Although many people blamed 黃祖藍's proposal during TVB birthday programme, I am touched by what he said, 

"人生好無常。無論追你多麼困難也好，娶到你的話，我一生都會很幸福……無論明日我的事業、身體如何，人生要找一個，覺得與對方過一日得一日，每一日都是恩典的人。」

The uncertainty and impermanent of Life.  

That reminds me the quote in Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box a chocolate, you never know what your going to get.” I totally can’t get it when I watched it in primary school.

I feel that the moment I realized it is beautiful. 

My Bucket List (writing at the age of 29)

Bucket List (Wrote at 29 years old, 17 Oct 2014)

Everyone has a bucket list, even if it isn’t written down.  Here’s my bucket list (it’s a work in progress – constantly adding items to it):

1.     Working Holiday in Australia

2.     Diving in Great Barrier Reef

3.     Skydive

4.     Say I love you and mean it

5.     Celebrate Carnival in Rio

6.     Go to Macchu Picchu

7.     Volunteer at an orphanage in a 3rd world country 

8.     Learn to speak another language

9.     Learn to play other instrument except piano

10. Milk a cow

11. Shear a sheep 

12. Go on a yoga retreat

13. Place a $100 bet in Las Vegas

14. Visit Angkor Watt

15. Stand in an airport and pick my destination based on the fact that I don’t recognize where it is

16. Visit the Amazon Rainforest

17. Do a roadtrip

18. Visit the Grand Canyon

19. Travel from Yunan to Tibert

20. Visit Scotland highland

21. Open a hostel

22. Take some time in photography

23. Sleep under the stars 

24. Take a horse riding

25. Swim with dolphin

26. Watch penguin in Philip Island

27. Drive the Great Ocean Road 

28. Hike around Uluru and Kata Tjuta

29. 4WD From Broome to Darwin through the Bungle Bungles and Kimberleys\

30. Float in the Dead Sea

31. Celebrate Holi in India

32. Lean Driving

33. Climb a volcano 

34. Sail from one country to another

35. Swim with Whale Sharks

36. Paragliding

37. Canoeing

38. Snowboarding (Completed in Feb 2008, Beijing)

39. White Water Rafting (Completed in July 2014, Pai River in Thailand) 

40. Black Water Rafting

41. Attend Loy Krathong in Thailand

42. Swim with dolphins

43. Watch turtles hatch and run for the ocean

44. Have breakfast on a mountaintop with the most handsome man in the world.

45. Travel in Europe with my family

46. Trekking in Nepal around Himalaya

47. Marvelling at the Egyptian Pyramids

48. A trip to the Maldives

49. Own a house with garden

50. Ride a hot air balloon

51. Try out surfing

52. A self-drive trip in Hualien Taiwan

被拍攝的瞬間

第一次拍寫真。10年前老媽說去台灣的時候應該要拍寫真留念。後來沒有拍，十分後悔，因為那真是最美麗，最青春的時候。剛好朋友說去福田蔓延視覺Many visions拍姊妹照，看過他們的相覺得拍得不錯，很想拍些時尚黑白照，就柴娃娃心態跟去玩玩了，RMB600一套衣服2個場景包化妝set頭可晒10張7R照片。

很好玩，原來拍照這麼難，僵硬的我們，只能每一個動作都由攝影師教，他很帥，，人也很好，會不停地讚你，說很好很美，鼓勵你。反而他的助手一臭面不耐煩，可能看得麻木了。老實說笑多了很累很僵。


第一次拍床照有點尷尬。那一刻躺在床上，只能聽他的，任他擺佈，彼此的距離很近，近得我在他的鏡頭裡看到自己，因此你也必須很信任他。那一瞬間，只屬於你和攝影師的私密時空，只有你倆知道那一刻做過些什麼， 只有你倆的交流，這種感覺很奇妙，尤其事後在看照片的時候。再次感受到攝影的神奇。

完的時候，望住攝影師說再見，真有點依依不捨......難怪說模特兒會愛上攝影師，演員也很容易愛上導演......

謝謝我的朋友們，這個送給自己的生日禮物很有紀念價值，雖然現在看自己有很多不滿，不是那裡肥就是那裡鬆，但我想，10年後的我看道輯照片時，就如現在的我看17歲的自己，原來曾經那樣青春！

旅行後的現實

晴，超級熱，上班中

很久很久沒有寫日記了，打字打得慢很影響寫日記的動力 (藉口?)......

7月頭從四川回來後，過了2星期左右開始恢復正常的生活。可是照片和遊記心情一直懶得整理，丟在一旁。

這次四川之旅，路上認識了不同的人，更確立了希望每年能有一次獨自上路的自助遊目標。

最近和認輸了十幾年的豬朋狗友說好了11月一起去台中。即使和最好的朋友旅行，還是沒有自己一人來得自由。很簡單的買機票一件事，我說不用這麼早買，她們想早些買，解釋了一大篇，她們便誤會我想什麼都不用準備到時才找旅店，拜托我自己旅行也不會這樣！大家的意見就是不同，使我有點不開心。最後旅行社說10月package會較便宜大家才暫停這件事。

可是我的心還是有點不舒服，不知道路上還會否有爭執……

旺角之夜

Friday

討厭的旺角之夜。約了很久沒有見的大學同學在旺角吃飯。很久沒有在周五的旺角吃飯，記得人很多。我怕要等位子，提議在火車站新世紀見面，應該較易找位。友人覺得遠，最後決定在朗豪坊，我想多走幾間也應該沒位吧。怎知連走幾間都排長龍，附近的2個小商場都爆滿。當時8時左右，有些要等到10點。

很生氣，真的很鬱悶，寶貴的時間就這樣浪費了，這樣無謂的，在空氣不新鮮人逼人的情況下找了至少一小時。只是想簡單的吃個飯，也這樣難。最後往火車站途中有間賣日本燒物的店有位，價格偏貴。最後每人$150。

香港呀香港，你要人怎樣生活？怎樣可以生活得有情趣?

勞動節假期

Tuesday
炎熱濕

練琴

Saturday

鬱悶

Sunday

教琴

Saturday

 在琴行教琴轉眼便2個月了，現在有3個男學生，智傑已經學了年半，4歲K3，是另一位李老師教不到轉給我。他媽媽是一個很年輕、打扮時髦的內地女孩。可是可能不太會教他，也甚少陪他來琴行或練琴，只是想他接觸一下音樂，所以進展很慢。可是他很乖，能坐定定較久。Woody很活躍，小一生，媽媽會一點鋼琴，每次都陪他來學琴，也會陪他練琴，進步就很明顯了。今天上他的課最開心，身為老師見到學生有進步會覺得自己很有價值。另一位是新學生，4歲K3可愛的小男生，有位妹妹2歲，父母都會陪他來。只是上第二課，有點辛苦，萬事起頭難，要教曉他最基本的樂理才能彈歌仔，偏偏基本的都是枯燥的，自己也不會用活潑的方式教，只能暗暗望著鐘倒數下課時間。

當初起了教琴的念頭，是因為在這一年突發燃起了對古典音樂的熱情，我相信是因為看了耶魯大學公開課: 聆聽音樂的緣故。講師Craig Wright教得很吸引，好像打開了古典音樂的大門，讓我懂得它的美，起了很想更認識它、更成為專業之念頭。很記得Craig Wright在課上說的關於relationship between art and religion的一番話: “It gives us a sense something better. It is a vision of something better than the stupid, mundane and the vernacular crap that we have to deal with on a quotidian basis out here. There could be something better, bigger and better out there than we are.” 很有共嗚。音樂，舞蹈、電影於我便是如此。所以我很想重拾鋼琴，重新去認輸它。可惜學琴很貴，希望教琴可補貼一下，也可順便免費練琴。在平凡枯燥的學校行政工作中，我感到自己的卑微、自卑和無用，希望透過教琴，我能找到些自我認同和價值吧！